A List of Stuff & Things For My Future Husband

I was browsing the big wide world of Bloglovin' recently and came across this listicle "May You Not Be Weird and 30 Other Prayers for my Future Husband" and it made me giggle. And I was a little nostalgic for that time I wrote out a list of everything my 'perfect' boy would be...and then he appeared a few weeks later. A few months after that we had, what I've come to classify as a 'whirlwind summer romance' and it ended because I forgot to include 'looking for a serious long term relationship' on my list. Okay, there were other reasons why it didn't last forever but I like to think that little omission also played a part. 

After that mess was cleaned up (it didn't end well) I decided to abandon the list and let the universe bring me something. The universe brought me J. who was essentially the anti-list. I went with it for awhile but at the 18 month mark it became clear that it was not what I wanted. Now, six months after that relationship ended I'm ready to return to the list philosophy. 

1. I hope you exist, and I meet you before my 30th birthday. 
2. May you be ready for marriage and looking for a serious relationship.
3. I hope you want multiple children and are open to the idea of adoption and/or being a foster parent.
4. I hope you're a camp person. That you can teach me one new campfire song and own a minimum of two tie-dye t-shirts.
5. You need to own a pair of work boots.
6. Please don't expect me to be in constant contact with you. I need to fuel my inner introvert and be able to spend time with friends without my phone. 
7. May you know the value of a hard day's work.
8. May you believe in something bigger than yourself.
9. It would cool if you were an RCMP officer, social worker, farmer or camp professional. 
10. It would also be nice if you shared my love of Disney.
11. I hope you love outdoor adventures and watching Netflix. Balance is important. 
12. You need to be financially responsible. I don't expect you to be a millionaire but you also shouldn't have mounds of consumer debt.
13. It's worth saying that I've always had a thing for males who play guitar. Especially if you can play Slide by the Goo Goo Dolls and/or a selection of country ballads. 
14. You're probably going to need to be a meat eater if you're going to attend my family gatherings.
15. I hope you know the value of eating vegetables, but also be open to eating chicken strips & french fries on special occasions.
16. I hope you are involved in your community, that you know your neighbours and they refer to you as the 'nice young fella down the road'.
17. Know that I'm using the term neighbours loosely, I expect you to be a a country boy.
18. I hope you are passionate about something other than making money.
19. May you meet the high standards of H. & R. and remember I loved them first.
20. May you be compassionate, humble and kind to others.
21. It would also be cool if you drove a truck. 
22. May you be blessed with a working knowledge of  basic vehicle and home repairs. 
23. And a desire to assemble any furniture that may come in multiple pieces.
24. Please be accepting of the fact most my skills conform to gender stereotypes. 
25. I hope you appreciate the little things in life. 
26. I hope you are surrounded by a good friend group.
27. I hope you love my quirks.
28. I hope I love your quirks.
29. To echo the inspiration for this updated list, "I hope you think the idea of praying for your future-but-maybe-doesn't-exist spouse is kind of silly but also sweet". 

Do/did you have a list of requirements for your future spouse?

Linking up with Stuff & Things

Things I've Learned From Boys

One of my favourite books is Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler and as I work on NaNoWriMo this month I've been thinking a lot about my favourite books. I've really only had one 'traditional' breakup but I'm no stranger to relationship catastrophes, failures and heartbreak. The good news I've learned a lot along the way so today I'm sharing some of that wisdom. 

Buddy Holly

It's important to be on the same page about where things are headed.

Summer Romances are the most fun.

Heartbreak is a funny thing. (After the fact, in the moment not so funny.)

Weird Flirty Boy 

First impressions are important. 

You really can tell a lot about a person based on their footwear choices.

Trust your gut. 

Family is always more important than money. (More of a confirmation than lesson, but worth noting.)

Drummer Boy 

High school drama is brutal. 

Girls are mean.

It's okay to let things go. 

Christian Drummer Boy

Timing is everything.

When you're over someone you really are happy to see them doing well.

Dr. Spaceman

Timing is important. 

Somethings will always remain a mystery.

Mr. Know-It-All

Camp Goggles are real. 

What lessons have you learned from your successful or not so successful relationships? 

Linking up with Weekly Lessons.

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Solo

This week alone I saw two engagements and one pregnancy announcement pop up on my Facebook feed. All from girls the same age (or a year younger) than me. I am really happy for those people and I wish them nothing but the best, that doesn't mean I don't feel a twinge of hurt/jealousy whenever another announcement comes rolling in.

Once upon a time I met a boy who was a few check marks short of perfect…except for one glaring problem, he wasn't ready to be in a relationship. Which I calmly accepted and let myself hope (and pray) that at some point the timing would be right and we could be together. Then he met someone else, who he was ready to be in a relationship with and I spent a month  far longer than I would like to admit bursting into tears when I saw photos of their adventures and listening to Taylor Swift while I tried to process my feelings towards the whole thing. Things are better now, I'm a little less emotionally fragile and when I step back and take myself out of the equation I really do want him to be happy. 

I get discouraged pretty easily when it feels like everyone else in the world is in a serious relationship, two steps away from marriage but I know that I would rather be single than be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. 

It's hard to be confident and okay with this whole season of singleness thing when I have such a strong desire to be married and have a family. I trust that there is a reason God's current plan for me doesn't involve being in a relationship. I have don't have much of an idea why that is, but if I let myself believe that it's something I'm doing wrong I get angry and bitter. And nobody likes the angry bitter single girl. Including myself.

If you want to read more about my thoughts on being single check out this post.

Linking up with Bailey Jean for Blog-Tember! 

Brave

Happy New Year Friends! I am can't wait to see what 2014 has in store for me and my blog. 

I'm starting off 2014 with another edition of The Girl Between the Lines link up with Hayley & Lauren. The prompt for this week is the question, "What is one thing you will do differently in 2014? Why do you want to change that one thing?" 

My answer to this question is simple. I want to be brave. 

It sounds simple enough. But even just typing the word brave increases my anxiety. Being brave means taking risks, stepping outside my comfort zone, trying new things, saying yes, not making excuses. Being brave is everything I am not. I like to play safe, I know the boundaries of my comfort zone, I'm happy with routines and sometimes declining a social event because "I have family stuff" really means "I would rather watch DVDs in my sweat pants because I don't really know anyone else who will be there." 

I've been thinking a lot about Texas over the past week and the more I think about it the more I am able to talk myself into the idea of going. And if it the camp in Texas doesn't work out, I'm opening up more and more to taking the plunge and moving somewhere exciting for a few months or a year. And the more I open up to it the more panicked I get, because moving is stressful. And there are so many logistical things to figure out, working visas, making enough money to live in wherever place plus pay student loans and other bills, making new friends, not getting murdered...

In the middle of it all I also remind myself that not so long ago an 18 year old me went off to university hundreds of miles away from home without knowing anybody. And that worked out pretty well. I have no idea why 23 (almost 24) year old me can't seem to make a similar leap of faith. If I did it then I can do it now. 

In the past five years my faith in God has only gotten stronger, I'm certainly more mature than I was at 18, in some ways I'm a lot more comfortable in my own skin, I have a much better understand of what I want in life and yet I'm so scared to make any major changes. Which when I think about it is a waste. I fully admit to being  unhappy with my single-ness. If life was going according to my plan at this point in my life I would either be a newly wed with plans to become a mom very soon or I would at least be in a very serious/committed relationship and making plans to spend the rest of our lives together. That's not where I am though. I'm single. And being single means that right now in this moment, in this big picture my only real responsibility is myself. When I make decisions I don't have to consider how it will affect my husband, I don't have to turn down opportunities because I want my children to go to a certain school or be near their grandparents. I am one. 

So in 2014 I'm going to be brave. I'm going to choose adventure, step outside my comfort zone and use this season of singleness to its fullest potential because someday (hopefully) I'll be a wife and mother with responsibilities that don't allow me to pick up and move to Texas if I so desire. And I'll be happy then, but I also need to be truly happy now. And in order for me to be happy I need to make some changes and all of those changes require me to be brave. 

Being Single

I'll be the first one to tell you that I'm a big ol' scaredy cat. Haunted Corn Maze? No thanks. Walking across the field alone in the dark? Not happening. Roller Coasters? Not a chance. I fast forward through the "scary" scenes in Disney movies...let that one sink in for a second. 

As much as I hate all those things I would gladly suck it up and sit in the very middle of the dark field, watching the scene with the wolves from Beauty & The Beast and get on a roller coaster through a haunted corn maze if it meant I could get rid of my ultimate fear. Being Alone.

I joke about being born in the wrong era because as much as I love camp, all I really want to be when I grow up is a 50's housewife. I just want to get married, have babies, dress up in cute dresses and wear pearls and have supper on the table when husband comes home at 5:00. Although I also really want to marry a farmer in which case I want to grow up to be Ree Drummond. Anyway...the point of that is I'm nowhere's close to accomplishing either of those scenarios. So I'm forced to confront my fear everyday. And it's HARD.

My parents have been together since they were in high school and I always assumed that would happen for me too, but it didn't. Then I assumed I would meet someone in university and we'd spend our 20s falling in love and having adventures. That didn't happen either. So I'm constantly being forced to adjust my expectations. I know I don't "need" a husband. But I want one. I know that I am perfectly capable of fostering/adopting children on my own, but again, that's not what I want. 

I'm such a huge believer that everything happens for a reason so I am constantly reminding myself that everything will work out the way it's supposed to work out, even if it's not the way I planned. I pray a lot for patience and also that if I'm meant to meet "the one" and get married that I will be okay with that, because right now I'm not. The thought of going through life single terrifies me, I tell people that my biggest fear is being alone, but I rarely go into details, because just thinking about it makes me cry. 

Within the past six months people I went to high school and university with have really started settling down every holiday brings a new engagement announcement. (Seriously, no holiday is safe. One girl found her engagement ring hidden in a pancake on Shrove Tuesday.) And I want to be happy for them and I am happy, but at the bottom of my happiness is a voice that just keeps asking "Why not me?" it's hard to stay positive and hopeful and faithful that that things are happening (and not happening) exactly the way they are supposed to happen (and not happen). But I am getting better at it and trying to focus on other things and hoping with all my heart that Future Husband is out there somewhere and he is just as excited to meet me as I am to meet him.

Love, Love, Love

This is the first Valentine's Day in possibly forever that I don't feel the bitterness of being single (at least not as much as previous years). I don't think I could be more single than I am right now it's been months since there was even a male on my radar, but I'm okay with that, really I am.

More importantly I'm okay with it without repeating the "someday my prince will come" and "good things come to those who wait" mantras that at one point I considered tattooing on my forehead to save a little time. The truth is someday the mythical guy who loves camp, appreciates Veggie Tales movies, knows how to play both Taylor Swift & David Crowder Band songs on his acoustic guitar and whose career goals either involve farming, RCMP or ministry (I'm flexible) might come along. Or he might not. And I'm slowly learning to be okay with that, but it doesn't happen overnight.

I may not have 'the one' in my life but I do have a whole lot of other things in my life that I love so in celebrating of them a list of just some of the many things I loved today.

1. A conversation with my sweet friend R. about camp this summer and our expectations and how we both went into last summer kind of expecting the worst and although there was quite a bit of staff drama we came out on the other side as more than just camp friends but friends who met at camp. I can't wait to spend another summer working with her!
2. This Song (A Place Called Home by Kim Richey)
3. Ellen. Seriously, best talk show ever. I laugh, I cry, I laugh some more. It's a good way to spend an hour.
4. 10 Ways to Propose at Summer Camp via Summer Camp Culture  the best list of engagement videos ever to hit the internet.
5. Another great conversation with my friend and director, P. about camp this summer and our plans for staff training. We've just started hiring counsellors for this year and I love seeing how the staff comes together.
6. My Valentine's Day evening plans involve some semi-frozen slushy like Pepsi (my favourite) and a new episode of Grey's Anatomy.
7. Within the next 10 days all of my favourite reality shows will be back on the air; Survivor, The Amazing Race, the newly added Big Brother Canada!!