Land of Vanilla Coke & Home of Chick-Fil-A

So I skipped yesterday's post because when I sat down to write I quickly realized that I've been doing a terrible job at making myself uncomfortable and being Brave in 2014. So I'm going to work on that but the summarized version of my bravery is that I've spent a lot of nights at home in my sweat pants binge watching documentaries about society.

Moving on to today's prompt about America….

I've lived in Canada all my life and have never crossed the border into 'Merica. Up until recently this wasn't something that really bothered me. I'm happy here. There are ketchup chips here and poutine what more could a gal ask for? 

Then I found out Vanilla Coke is readily available and easily accessible down there. 

And then I started blogging and learned all about the magic of Chick-Fil-A, In-And-Out Burger, Sonic and Chipotle. And Panera and P.F. Changs...

Basically I've developed an interest in visiting the states just so I can experience a whole lot of fast food restaurants. 

I'm clicking publish on this now because I need to get back to work and not blogging. But I'm counting it as a win anyway because a post is a post. 

Happy 4th of July Americans! Drink some Vanilla Coke in my honour! 

Apartment Hunting

I wish I could be one of those people who when adventure knocks leap to their feet to answer the door and then run off without a single thought about what they should bring or do to prepare. 

But I'm not.

My anxiety has been at an 8 for over 24 hours. It feels like a sumo wrestler is sitting on my chest. My mind has two trains of thoughts running in opposite directions. One is listing off all of the things I need to figure out; somewhere a safe/cheap place to live, a budget, packing, unpacking, driving in the city, moving date.... the other is telling me to CALM DOWN, God's got this. I can take the necessary steps to try and make connections and figure things out but in the end it's in His hands.

I'm exhausted but my mind won't stop racing long enough to fall asleep.

I keep reminding myself this is my year to Be Brave. Right now it's not helping.

Apartment hunting on such short notice is HARD. I thought I found a great place, it was well within budget, a good location, had a parking spot and the title of the ad was 'Female Christian Roommate Wanted". Perfect. But when I told the girl I was hoping to see pictures and wanted to "meet" via Skype she wasn't super into it. I'm not really willing to make the 5 hour drive this week just to meet the girl and then turn around and drive 5 hours back when I'm moving at the end of the week. So that's disappointing.

I haven't been able to really start packing yet because I don't know where I'm going. If I don't find my own place I'll be staying with friends and I my packing will be extremely limited to just the clothes I need for a week or so. #stress

On that note I'm going to go make myself a giant stir fry because I'm craving broccoli hardcore. (I don't think I've ever mentioned this before but sometimes when I'm stressed I get really intense broccoli cravings. It's ridiculous. But also kind of awesome?) 

Brave

Happy New Year Friends! I am can't wait to see what 2014 has in store for me and my blog. 

I'm starting off 2014 with another edition of The Girl Between the Lines link up with Hayley & Lauren. The prompt for this week is the question, "What is one thing you will do differently in 2014? Why do you want to change that one thing?" 

My answer to this question is simple. I want to be brave. 

It sounds simple enough. But even just typing the word brave increases my anxiety. Being brave means taking risks, stepping outside my comfort zone, trying new things, saying yes, not making excuses. Being brave is everything I am not. I like to play safe, I know the boundaries of my comfort zone, I'm happy with routines and sometimes declining a social event because "I have family stuff" really means "I would rather watch DVDs in my sweat pants because I don't really know anyone else who will be there." 

I've been thinking a lot about Texas over the past week and the more I think about it the more I am able to talk myself into the idea of going. And if it the camp in Texas doesn't work out, I'm opening up more and more to taking the plunge and moving somewhere exciting for a few months or a year. And the more I open up to it the more panicked I get, because moving is stressful. And there are so many logistical things to figure out, working visas, making enough money to live in wherever place plus pay student loans and other bills, making new friends, not getting murdered...

In the middle of it all I also remind myself that not so long ago an 18 year old me went off to university hundreds of miles away from home without knowing anybody. And that worked out pretty well. I have no idea why 23 (almost 24) year old me can't seem to make a similar leap of faith. If I did it then I can do it now. 

In the past five years my faith in God has only gotten stronger, I'm certainly more mature than I was at 18, in some ways I'm a lot more comfortable in my own skin, I have a much better understand of what I want in life and yet I'm so scared to make any major changes. Which when I think about it is a waste. I fully admit to being  unhappy with my single-ness. If life was going according to my plan at this point in my life I would either be a newly wed with plans to become a mom very soon or I would at least be in a very serious/committed relationship and making plans to spend the rest of our lives together. That's not where I am though. I'm single. And being single means that right now in this moment, in this big picture my only real responsibility is myself. When I make decisions I don't have to consider how it will affect my husband, I don't have to turn down opportunities because I want my children to go to a certain school or be near their grandparents. I am one. 

So in 2014 I'm going to be brave. I'm going to choose adventure, step outside my comfort zone and use this season of singleness to its fullest potential because someday (hopefully) I'll be a wife and mother with responsibilities that don't allow me to pick up and move to Texas if I so desire. And I'll be happy then, but I also need to be truly happy now. And in order for me to be happy I need to make some changes and all of those changes require me to be brave.