Solo

This week alone I saw two engagements and one pregnancy announcement pop up on my Facebook feed. All from girls the same age (or a year younger) than me. I am really happy for those people and I wish them nothing but the best, that doesn't mean I don't feel a twinge of hurt/jealousy whenever another announcement comes rolling in.

Once upon a time I met a boy who was a few check marks short of perfect…except for one glaring problem, he wasn't ready to be in a relationship. Which I calmly accepted and let myself hope (and pray) that at some point the timing would be right and we could be together. Then he met someone else, who he was ready to be in a relationship with and I spent a month  far longer than I would like to admit bursting into tears when I saw photos of their adventures and listening to Taylor Swift while I tried to process my feelings towards the whole thing. Things are better now, I'm a little less emotionally fragile and when I step back and take myself out of the equation I really do want him to be happy. 

I get discouraged pretty easily when it feels like everyone else in the world is in a serious relationship, two steps away from marriage but I know that I would rather be single than be with someone just for the sake of being with someone. 

It's hard to be confident and okay with this whole season of singleness thing when I have such a strong desire to be married and have a family. I trust that there is a reason God's current plan for me doesn't involve being in a relationship. I have don't have much of an idea why that is, but if I let myself believe that it's something I'm doing wrong I get angry and bitter. And nobody likes the angry bitter single girl. Including myself.

If you want to read more about my thoughts on being single check out this post.

Linking up with Bailey Jean for Blog-Tember! 

Inhale, Exhale, Unplug

I'd be lying if I said it was all sunshine & rainbows  snowflakes & tinsel around here lately, the past two weeks seem to have had more than their fair share of bumps. Which is probably why I've spent the last 2 hours alternating between ugly crying and silently sobbing in to the sleeve of my hoodie.

There was more bad news on the job/grant front this week and there's a major storm in the forecast which mean I might not get to go away this weekend. Overall I feel increasingly frustrated with circumstances and I'm not sure what do to next. Of course it doesn't help that because I have no friends within a 500 km radius I spend a lot of time online, a good chuck of said time spent creeping acquaintances and random people I went to high school/university with who have open social media profiles. All this leads to a whole lot of comparison. And I think we can all agree comparison should be considered a dirty word. 

It's hard to be happy and satisfied with my current life phase when I'm constantly being reminded that the girl who spent her high school days high as a kite and skipping class is now married with a baby. Or the guy who lived down the hall from you in res and obnoxiously paraded his weekend hook ups through the halls every weekend has proposed to his girlfriend. And of course that one person who you just don't like because there's just something about them that drives you nuts is now living the dream, working for a production company getting paid to act and write and be creative. Scrolling through the Newsfeeds as you sit at home (home being your parents house) for the 10th Saturday night in a row is not good for the self esteem. 

I am praying with everything I've got that the weather clears up and I can get away this weekend. I need some quality girl time away from it all to just be in the moment with friends and not have to rely on technology for social interaction. Just to breathe deep, not worry about missing texts or messages because everyone I need to be with is in the same room. And then when the weekend is over to take a step back in and be able to focus on the positive and trust that God isn't doing this to torture me, He has a plan. The universe knows what's up, everything will work out exactly the way it's supposed to (and not a moment too soon/late). 

Until then I need to sit in a hot tub with my bestries, drink a lot of wine and rant about how much being a single 20-something with no idea what to do next when nothing seems to work out sucks. 

See you Monday Bloggy Friends.