The First 100 Days

The week leading up to camp has always been full of little rituals and traditions. Things that made me feel prepared to start the summer. I would spend an evening assembling welcome bags for all the staff, an afternoon making warm fuzzy envelopes and many hours trying not to overpack but also not run out of clean clothes before the next laundry day rolled around. I would make sure to include a meal of three cheese pizza pops & pepsi into my camp prep, taking time to reflect on the beginnings of my camp love. And on the night before I would often craft the perfect pre-camp playlist to listen to during the drive. Instead of doing all those things I found myself navigating the complexities of palliative care. 

I always had a mini-celebration when I hit the "100 Days Until Camp" day and so I had decided that I would celebrate "100 Days" of this new life, which happened to fall on May 11. I had originally planned to celebrate by drinking my very last can of Vanilla Coke (that I had been saving for when I got a year round camp job), eating chips & dip and maybe watching The Parent Trap. I ended up spending the day in one of our organization's homes, which seemed like a much more fitting celebration. Even if it didn't involve any Vanilla Coke. 

On Friday morning after a full week of waiting for the inevitable, our community member passed away. Today there will be a wake and tomorrow a funeral. And amid all of those emotions I'm also trying to figure out how to navigate summer life without camp. The combination of all of that has made me a bit of a hot mess these past few days. Saturday I did three loads of laundry and debated asking the neighbours if they had any to do. Yesterday I got groceries and tidied by apartment and watched too many episodes of Grey's Anatomy. This morning I am going to help set up for the wake and then likely spend some time at the office. Even though it's a long weekend I need to be busy and productive because otherwise I'm sure I'll find myself pacing the living room. 

And maybe what I really need is to stop trying to keep myself busy and just let things settle. To give myself permission to be sort of sad but also excited about the possibilities of a summer without camp. 

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Hymn #674

Last week when I had my interview they told me I would hear from them early in the week about the second round of interviews. Monday and Tuesday have gone by and I haven't heard a word good or bad, so I'm not really sure where that leaves me. I do know that I've had "In The Bulb There Is A Flower" stuck in my head since Monday evening when it started snowing. All day yesterday and so far today the familiar lyrics have been on repeat:

In the bulb there is a flower,

In the seed, an apple tree,

In cocoons a hidden promise:

Butterflies will soon be free!

In the cold and snow of winter,

There's a spring that waits to be,

Unrevealed until it's season,

Something God alone can see. 

Maybe it's because it's a catchy song. Maybe it's because the song is a lullaby of sorts, I don't remember ever learning it but it was a staple of camp Christian Education time and vespers services. The lyrics were written in magic marker on chart paper above the piano in our main building complete with little doodles of tulips and apple trees. Whatever the reason it's a comforting song to be playing on repeat when I'm in the middle of season with more questions than answers. Just wandering around the proverbial forest setting off down different paths only to discover they're all dead ends. 

And as much as I appreciate a good adventure and generally enjoy the scenic route I'm kind of over it. I don't want to "savour my season" or "embrace the unknown" or "enjoy the journey" because those things are all fine for a while but regardless of how much fun you're having on vacation you always want to get back to your own bed eventually. 

While everyone is busy admiring the twinkle lights, eagerly awaiting watching their littles opening presents on Christmas morning and starting to set goals for 2017 I'm refreshing my e-mail every hour (that may sound a lot but it's an improvement over every 15 minutes) and wondering if somewhere along the line I took the wrong exit and am doomed to wander around the wrong forest forever. 

My goal, wish, objective, intent...purpose in life is to have a permanent, full time camp job. Anything past that is a bonus. 

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Mondays Matter #1

I'm going to let you in on a secret...I kind of love Mondays. I like beginnings and possibility and I'm never more organized or prepared for the week ahead than I am on Monday. When I was in university a friend and I had a tradition where we emailed each other every Monday. It came about as camp for that summer was wrapping up and we started to talk about how to make the camp magic all year. We would write a little update post to each other and mention a few things we were nervous or worried about for the upcoming week and I always looked forward to having that e-mail to read when I finished class on Monday. In Blogland Mondays are for weekend recaps with lots of photos and tales of adventure...except that my weekends aren't always full of exciting experiences. 

So I'm going to try something a little different and bring back Mondays Matter for those weeks when my weekends aren't particularly noteworthy and I still want to blog. A little bit of reflection on Monday morning to start the week off on the right foot. 

1. Maybe it's just me but it feels like blogging has turned a corner and lately there have been some pretty awesome posts that are focused on real life and not shilling products. These three in particular have still given me food for thought almost two weeks later:  While You're Waiting by Alyssa, Be Thankful For Your Choices by M. and What's Changed by Erin.

2. Earlier this week I was sorting through some things and trying to be a more organized human and while I was trying to jam multiple 12x12 scrapbook albums on a shelf that I assume measures 11.99x11.99 I did some quick math in my head and realized that camp has been part of my life for 19 years. I spent 10 years as a camper, followed by 4 years as a counsellor and summer director and just finished my fifth year in an assistant director position. Those 19 years span five different camps and at least six different job titles and have given me endless tales of (mis)adventure. And even if this most recent job opportunity doesn't pan out I still am forever grateful that I have a passion and know what it is without a doubt.

3. I re-watched the final season of How I Met Your Mother this weekend for the first time since it aired and I'm still undecided about how I feel about the ending. I am decided that I'm not much of a Lily fan and that I would marry Ted Mosby in a heartbeat. 

4. I'm trying not to get myself all out of sorts for my interview on Thursday but I'm not having a lot of success. I recognize that it's not the be all and end all, but I'm also just so ready to move on and be done with the uncertainty. 

5. I have studied every news article, watched every YouTube video, viewed every photo and read every tweet produced by/about the organization I want to work with, I hope it pays off but there's really no guarantee. If nothing else I can tell you that I'm confident these are my people based on the appearance of a creepy sun logo peeking through on one of their buildings, a hilarious kijiji ad offering to trade excess furniture for program supplies and a shed repurposed for program space.  

6. I need to start work on 2017's 52x52 list, I've completed slightly less than half of 2016's list, hopefully there's time to squeeze in a few more but I'm not overly hung up on it. It was my first attempt at such a project and I was kind of making up the rules as I went along. Next year I will do a much better job at keeping track of things and making the list a little more balanced.

7. Last year I only mailed a few Christmas cards but this year I'm going to up my game. I'm not going totally overboard but I let myself buy a new package of cards as long as I promised myself to mail all 16 cards so that's a thing that needs to happen this week. 

8. Mondays Matter emails always ended with a quote for the week, so I'm going to keep with that sentiment and end with this one I came across last week:

Pinterest

Bloom Where You're Planted {Thankful Thoughts}

For as long as I knew it was a possibility having a full time, year round job working at camp was my career goal. When I first set off to university with that goal in mind I had visions of returning to the camp I grew up at making some changes and helping it grow to it's full potential. Things changed pretty quickly, as they often do when church politics and wills get involved, and so I found myself transplanted to a place I'd never planned on planting myself. 

There were times (many times) that I didn't want to be planted there. I wanted someone to come along and pick me up and plant me somewhere else. Ideally a nice vase with fresh water where the soil wasn't so rocky. As fate would have it though that's not how things turned out.

Last spring the first opportunity to move on popped up just as I was preparing for my fifth summer, something I never thought I'd see. Parts of me were giddy with thoughts of pretty new vases but the idea of being uprooted still felt hard. I would miss certain nuances, the gophers, the sheds, eating ice cream with a fork because all the spoons had disappeared (again). As it turned out though I wasn't what they were looking for, instead of the pretty vase I was shoved back into the rocky soil on the side of a cliff (at least that's what it felt like).

Towards the end of the summer the second opportunity to move on appeared on the horizon. This time it involved a full on gold vase encrusted with diamonds. After a particularly stormy summer, in the rocky soil, on the edge of a cliff I was ready to make home in the fanciest vase that would hold me. Except I wasn't what they were looking for either, although I was closer this time. 

Fast forward a few weeks and I've found another option. Except this one doesn't feel like a vase, more like a nice terracotta pot you put on your front porch. It's sturdier than the cliff but still exposed to the elements and maybe a little rough around the edges. I have an interview the second week in December and hopefully there will be a nice terracotta pot with a red bow and my name on it under the tree. Even though I never planned on planting myself there it might just turn out okay. 

I'm thankful for the places I've been forced to grow and for the ability to look around and think that even if the view isn't perfect there's still reason to bloom. 

Stuff & Things

Show & Tell Tuesday: Lottery Edition

First off, it's important to know that since reading this prompt "If I had $1,000,000" by The Barenaked Ladies has been stuck in my head. If you have no idea what I'm talking about I'll assume that you did not grow up in Canada. Since $1,000,000 doesn't go as far as one might think (and I'd like more than a nice chesterfield or ottoman) I'm going to follow Andrea's  lead and assume the winnings are essentially limitless. 

First off, I wouldn't tell anyone until I met with a financial advisor and made a long term, sustainable plan. There's no chance I would be one of those people shouting it from the rooftops the second I found out! 

Once all that was taken care of I'd get down to business (quite literally). I'd buy a piece of property and then build my dream camp. That would take up a considerable amount of time and money but it would be a labour of love so I really wouldn't mind.

The other thing I would do is go on an epic Girls' Trip to Disney World! 

Simple enough right? Now I just need to start buying lottery tickets! 

My Soundtrack

Alyssa challenged everyone to choose three songs that could be the soundtrack to our lives. I like to follow the rules so I tried REALLY hard to narrow things down to three and eventually was successful. There's lots of great songs that didn't make the cut but I think these three do a good job of creating a well rounded soundtrack. 

Mr. Jones - Counting Crows

This song immediately transports me to playing 4-Square in the main building of the camp where I grew up. It's one of those songs that was embedded into the camp culture by way of the counsellors and then the campers who became counsellors who still played it because it reminded us of camp. 

Left & Leaving - The Weakerthans

I don't remember the first time I heard this song but at some point during jr. high I was introduced to it and it's followed me around ever since. I've always been sentimental and nostalgic and this song is both of those things.

Humble & Kind - Tim McGraw

I knew I needed a country song and originally I thought it would be and older one by Alan Jackson, Tim McGraw or Alabama because those were the soundtracks to my childhood. I kept coming back to this song though, even though it's super recent. It just summarizes everything I was taught growing up and everything I feel strongly about now. 

Life This Week

This week started going downhill the end of last week when mid-October hit and I hadn't heard anything about getting an interview for a job that I really want. I made it through to the second round of the application process and was fairly confident that my answer to the essay question was solid enough to at least get me through to the interview phase. It feels both overly dramatic and an understatement to say I'm completely heartbroken over the whole thing. 

I'm trying to be logical about the whole thing and remind myself at the end of the day I want them to find the best person, I want to work there because I love the concept of what they do and I want them to have the best people so that they can continue with their mission and vision. And if I'm not that person there's not a whole lot I can do. 

In my attempts to move on from this particular disappointment I've been busy filling out applications for other positions and have really come across some doozies...my favourite so far has been the one that inquired about my involvement with the occult and any sexual immorality. Although at this point I might seriously consider selling my soul for a year round job (kidding...sort of). 

Factor in my ongoing frustrations trying to get end of contract paperwork from the office job (I spent an hour on the phone today only to be told to call back next week) and it's been a very long week. And it's only Thursday.

The good news is though that I have fun plans for tomorrow with my favourite Rangers (as long as the rain doesn't interfere), a field trip with my Sparks on Sunday and a Saturday to recover from all the Ranger fun on Friday. And since my phone charger has decided to stop working I think I'm going to take myself on a little Thursday field trip to Winners/Michael's. 

Peace Like A River

I don't usually blog on Saturdays but before the storm I had planned to participate in the Back to Blogging Challenge and I didn't get to do that because we didn't have power. I think it all worked out for the best though because it's been a long week and starting the weekend with some positive reflection is a good way to go so I'm starting off with What Makes You Feel Peaceful?

I've mentioned before that my grandparents live in a teeny-tiny fishing village and my grandfather's warf/boat are my favourite places in the world. Being there is the best kind of peaceful because it's not necessarily calm & quiet but it's comfortable in the routine of hard work, community and contentment. It gets extra peaceful points watching the sunrise over the ocean. 

I love being in the kitchen, turning ingredients into food is calming and there's something extra satisfying about making something delicious. Photography is a fairly recent hobby, but something I've come to love a whole lot the world seems a little kinder when viewed through a camera lens. Campfires are flat-out magical. Some of my best memories are sitting around a campfire with friends either in silence as we all watch the flames or in joyful conversation.

Camp is the opposite of peaceful in a lot of ways, but there are small windows of time when it feels like a pretty peaceful place. My favourite time used to be in the morning for about half an hour before everyone was up and about for the day, sitting in the office sipping hot coffee and getting to check in with the counsellors as they went by getting ready for the day. And another window of time at the end of the day when mostly everyone was headed to bed sneaking away for a few minutes to watch the sunset. And at the end of a session eating the first non-camp food meal of the week (often Subway, pizza or chicken strips & fries) and watching episodes of Friends or How I Met Your Mother. 

The similarities of my peacefulness are pretty obvious. I like nature and the outdoors, food and documenting it all for the future. 

#goals

In the words of Mulan, "let's get down to business". 

October Goals:

1. Finish Project Life album for camp. 

In a quest to practice better self-care this year at camp I took more photos during sessions and then between session breaks printed photos and made spreads. It worked really well and it's something I'll almost certainly do again in the future. Inevitably, about half way through the summer I fell behind because I was spending breaks doing things. At this point I have about two weeks left of camp to finish and mostly it's adding journalling and embellishments. 

2. Get caught up with 'everyday' Project Life Album (April - September)

I knew this was going to be a problem when I first came up with the plan to do a separate camp album. In January I started my Project Life album using the monthly format but then did more of a weekly format during the summer in my camp album and didn't do anything in the album I started in January. I sort of have a game plan in mind using leftover photos from each week (I almost always printed too many) adding in a few extras and calling it a day. 

3. Organize & De-Stash Project Life/Scrapbooking/Planner supplies.

I am 100% on the Project Life bandwagon and can't imagine going back to 'traditional' scrapbooking. That means I have a lot of 12x12 papers that are just sitting around. Thanks to PLers on YouTube I got the idea to cut down some of those 12x12 papers into PL pocket sizes. I'll keep some large sheets because they come in handy for other crafty endeavours but for the most part I have no need for those big papers. Since I've enjoyed the Project Life bandwagon so much I've decided that in 2017 I'm also going to jump on the Happy Planner bandwagon! So I'd like to sort through all of my stuff and separate it into Project Life, Planner and General Crafting categories. This might be a bit of a lofty goal but we'll see what happens. 

4. Finish 2 books.

I am 75% through one I started in July about the FLDS but then put it down in favour of something a little lighter. I need to finish that one plus another one that I started and didn't finish because I got distracted re-watching How I Met Your Mother. 

5. Map out NaNoWriMo.

..2016 is the year, friends.

6. Take photos during Thanksgiving, Spark Camp & Friendsgiving.

I have lots of fun stuff planned for October this upcoming weekend is Thanksgiving and then I have a plan free weekend followed by a weekend of Spark Camp and then hopefully the next weekend a Friendsgiving weekend with H. & R.. And circling back to the getting caught up with Project Life I've learned it's much easier to stay caught up when you have photos to use! 

7. Publish Blog Posts!

I searched high and low for a 'Blogtober' link up of some sort since I missed out on Bailey Jean's Blogtember but I didn't find anything so I'm just going to make things happen on my own. It's highly unlikely (and impossible at this point) that I'll blog everyday in October but the plan is to make more of an effort and at least press the publish button a few times a week. 

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"I Should Blog"

This meme best sums up how I've been feeling about life for the past couple of weeks. Except that I'm not even sure all the animals in my pond are ducks. And it's possible there's a pond down the road with a lone duck that belongs to me that I've totally forgotten.

Typically this time of year I am a colour-coordinated, list maker, organizational machine. May is when my Type A personality shines through and I feel well prepared and ready to go, which leaves me with a few days to relax and start the camp season in a good frame of mind. 

This year, not so much. I can't even find some of my lists. 

So I haven't abandoned the blog, I just can't remember what it is I'm supposed to be blogging about (there's a list somewhere).

The Highlight Reel

At the beginning of this week it felt like things were happening. And then things went back to moving a turtle's pace so the week is ending in an uneventful way. As per usual when there's lots happening in life the blog tends to get a little neglected, so the most logical thing to do is write a quick post on Friday hitting the highlights of the week and making note of the fact I am very excited it's the weekend!

On Monday I had a pre-screening for a full-time job I applied for but I haven't heard anything back. As a result everything is a state of suspended animation and I can't really make any concrete plans until that comes to a conclusion. Ideally, a positive conclusion. Positive thoughts and good vibes very much appreciated! 

Tuesday marked the start of the #The100DayProject. Initially I was going to do something photography related but at the end of the day I'm focusing on doing a 100 days of pages in my sketchbook. My sketchbook functions as part art journal, part prayer journal, part notebook. I usually use it once a week but over the next 100 days I'm going to make it a daily practice. So far I'm 3 for 3. 100 seems like a long way away but I'm sure I can make it happen. 

Wednesday I headed to town to cross a bunch of stuff off my to do list. I had to pay my car insurance, make a stop at the bank and pick up a few groceries. I also ended up taking photos for a day in the life post that will be appearing next week! 

Thursday I was up bright and early for a camp related coffee meeting. This is entirely the camp nerd in me, but staff training makes me happy. I've kind of got a thing for new beginnings and I love watching a bunch of people come together and figure out how to be a group. Honestly, I think part of the reason I enjoy watching Big Brother so much is the whole situation reminds me of camp. A bunch of (mostly) 20-somethings thrown together in one spot, living together and highly encouraged to get along. The main difference is that we don't vote people out once a week. 

Today I am so happy it's Friday. It's been a long week at work and I'm so ready for the weekend. Next week I only have three days of work and then I'm going on a quick trip to visit H. It's also warming up around here which is a guaranteed way to make life seem a little brighter!

Linking up here.

March Currently

The first part of March was pretty straight forward. I worked a bunch of overtime at the office job and worked on a handful of things for camp in my spare time. And then last week things took a little turn (hopefully for the better) and now life is a little more uncertain. 

Reading... Month after month I seem to fail at reading anything that isn't a news article, Buzzfeed list, blog post or Instagram caption. I can't even come up with an excuse this month and it makes me sad to think about all the reading I'm not doing.

Playing... Occasionally 1010! 

Watching... I jumped back on the Big Brother Canada bandwagon this season, but now I've sort of fallen off. The contestants throw a lot of tantrums and I just can't watch that kind of nonsense. I have been keeping up with Criminal Minds, although I'm not sure I like what's happening there either. 

Trying... To pace myself. I worked a lot this month and my inner introvert felt a little neglected.

Cooking... Nothing too fancy this month. This month my best meal discovery has been a pita with chipotle mayo, cucumber, cheese, red onion and chicken cooked in a sweet & spicy sauce. 

Eating... This month there has been a lot of bagels, yogurt, crackers, bananas. Basically I've been eating like a toddler. The last week I've been getting my act together and returning to meal planning. 

Drinking... Lots of water with cucumber and/or lime, a cup of coffee to start the day and a glass of pop every now and then.

Calling... The dreaded Guiding related phone calls in an attempt to coordinate various schedules and activities. 

Texting... The usual crew. H., R., J. and N.. Sometimes the ladies I carpool with to work. 

Pinning... I didn't do a lot of pinning this month, occasionally some ideas for theme days at camp and little staff moral boosters. 

Tweeting... Mostly just the automatic tweet from Bloglovin' when a post is published.

Going... Hopefully to visit H., however we don't have an end date for work yet. We've been extended so I'll be working past March 31st but we haven't been given a new contract yet, which is incredibly annoying but I'm trying to be patient.

Loving... Daylight!! Saturday I looked outside at 7:33 p.m. and it was still daylight out, which is purely magical.  

Hating... "Work uncertainties. I like to have a plan, complete with specific dates. "You're being extended until sometime towards the end of April" does not make for a good planning base." is what I wrote on March 22...now I'm starting to recognize the work uncertainty might just be working in my favour. 

Discovering... Life plans can change pretty quickly.

Thinking... My mind has been very busy lately. There's a lot of stuff going on up there, which has lead to a lot of motivation to write and colour. 

Feeling... Sleepy. And also hopeful and optimistic. 

Hoping (for)... I'm going to go ahead and be a little vague here but I'm hoping for a big change in April. 

Listening (to)... Podcasts! My favourites are Bringing Up Betty, Stuff You Missed in History Class and Camp Code. 

Celebrating... Easter! 

Smelling... Spring! There have been a handful of days this month where I've been able to open the windows and let in some fresh air. 

Ordering... I do a lot of browsing but not a lot of ordering. 

Thankful for... Family, Friends, Cats, Community, Creativity, Education...

Considering... In this moment I'm considering if I want to shower & get into bed or get out my colouring book and let my mind relax a little more before sleep. 

Starting... To get back into a routine. Working overtime messed with my groove and now that's over I'm reclaiming my leisure time, making meal plans and generally returning to a more well rounded life. 

Finishing... I can't think of anything really noteworthy I finished this month. 

Monday Blogging

There's something about blogging on Monday that feels extra intimidating. Almost as though there is an unspoken rule in blogland that in order to blog on Monday you must have tales of weekend trips to  small Texas towns, photos of gourmet meals and craft beer or at the very least photos of you and your adorable children in pyjamas and then their Sunday best. I don't have any of those things to share, but I'm going to blog anyway. 

I spent this weekend doing the same thing I've been doing every weekend since the end of February - working. Which in many ways is insane and on Sunday morning the last thing I wanted to do was spend another 8 hours at my desk, but I did it. In the beginning it was the make hay when the sunshine category of motivation. This past week I did find out that I will be extended past March 31st, but it's still unclear how much past. As per usual, there are rumours swirling that our end date will be anywhere from April 17 to April 27. It's nice to know I'll be working for another month, it would be even nicer to know exactly when we'll be finished. I'm still hoping to visit H. before camp season but she only has a week off at the end of April so depending on my finish date it may not work out. 

When I finished work yesterday I quickly ran to the grocery store and bought groceries for the week. I need to get back on the eating meals train. It's a fact of life that I am a happier (and healthier) person when I plan my meals, prep stuff for the week ahead and eat real meals. Since overtime has been eating up my weekends I've been eating a lot of yogurt and goldfish crackers....not ideal. I had an early Easter dinner yesterday with J.'s family because they're travelling next week but once I got home I found my kitchen groove and organized/cooked things to make steak fajitas, bruschetta, quinoa & veggies and made a big batch of trail mix to snack on all week. Full disclosure, my "made trail mix" what I'm saying is I mixed a bag of dried fruit with some nuts and seeds then called it a day. 

I then proceeded to sleep for 10 hours and woke up on this Monday morning ready to start the week. Because I kind of love Mondays. I like the possibility of the week ahead and the feeling of having everything in order. Meals in the fridge, outfits hung in the closet...Mondays make my Type A soul burst with happiness. 

So on that note I'm off to gather my tupperware containers, throw on an outfit and start the week. Hoping your Monday is equally as enjoyable! 

Four on Friday the Fourth

{one}
I have been eating some super tasty meals this week.

I kicked off March by eating waffles and bacon (and coffee) for breakfast. I tried a frozen butter chicken pizza which was surprisingly delicious for a frozen pizza. I celebrated 100 Days Until Camp Day with a traditional leadership training meal of perogies and a spring roll*. And balanced it all out with a stir fry full of veggies on multiple occasions this week.

*Spring rolls & perogies is ridiculous meal that happened once because the director and I were the only ones at camp for the first few days so we picked up a few groceries. When we got back to camp we realized we had bought food but not any meals. And thus, spring rolls and perogies were born. And now it's an annual event. 

{two}

I hadn't been keeping track of days before camp so when the '100 days until camp' post went out earlier this week I was taken by surprise. Since that means there's somewhere between 80-90 days before my first day of camp. Which seems impossible, but is also exciting. 

{three}

N. gave me a cat and quote of the day calendar for Christmas and on Wednesday the quote read "You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm.".  Coincidently Becky Higgins shared the exact same quote which just solidified my instinct to proclaim it as my mantra for the summer. And maybe life.

{four}

A new Starbucks opened in the general vicinity of me last week but I haven't made an initial visit yet. I'm working overtime all day Sunday so maybe a carmel macchiato will be my reward for an extra day of work. Then again, there's a snowstorm coming our way so it's possible my weekend will be spent eating storm chips and watching Big Brother Canada. 

Linking up here.

Sitting on the Fence

Ask me if I'd rather summer or winter and I won't hesitate to respond 'summer'. Ask me what I want to drink and most days I'll quickly respond with water, pop or coffee. I don't really consider myself to be indecisive...until I need to answer a yes or no question about something that could influence life in a big way. When that happens I like to take a good look at each side, size up the pros and cons, the what ifs and the maybes. And then I take a seat on the fence. 

If at any point you ask me which choice I'm leaning towards I can easily list off a dozen pros and a dozen cons for each side of the proverbial fence. For the last four months the my fence has divided the line between "not going back to camp this summer" and "sign me up, my bags are packed". There are a lot of good reasons why I shouldn't return to camp this summer and there's a handful of reasons why I feel like I should go back combined with a handful of reasons why I want to return. There isn't a clear, consistent winner though and I know that there needs to be a winner. Sooner rather than later an e-mail is going to appear and I'll have to make a permanent decision. 

Somewhere along the line I read that you should 'try on' your decision and pretend that you've made that decision for a few days and then decide if it fits. So I've taken that advice and on the days I try out packing my bags and heading off to camp I jump into program planning, staff training ideas, brainstorming solutions to problems and let the enthusiasm and excitement take over. This lasts for a few days and then I remind myself to manage my expectations. And I soon as I remind myself of that I get flashbacks of the most stressful moments of last summer. And as soon as I put myself back in those situations I quickly flick the switch and become a firm no. For a few days I wear that decision and feel content, uncertain, but content. 

Fast forward a few days (or sometimes a few hours) of that decision and then I see a throwback Thursday photo or see a cool idea on Pinterest and the switch turns back to "pack your bags" and the cycle repeats. 

I embrace my Type A personality (at least I'm trying really hard because I don't think it's a bad thing, contrary to what a lot of people seem to think). One of my biggest Type A traits is I enjoy following rules and making the right decisions. When there isn't a clear right choice my brain kicks into overdrive, I start feeling (mostly self-imposed) pressure to choose correctly, not disappoint anyone, do what's best etc. etc. which leads to constant anxiety about making a decision and complete terror that I'll choose incorrectly and ruin my life. That might seem extreme and logically I know it's not exactly the reality of the situation. 

The reality of the situation is that if I say no that still leaves me with two options - find a non-camp related job or explore another camp. And if I say yes I head off to camp and continue on with life. None of those scenarios is likely to produce an outcome that will leave me feeling like I blatantly made the wrong choice. But that doesn't make choosing any easier.

Project Project Life 2016

I jumped on the scrapbooking bandwagon pretty early in life, I don't remember exactly how I got started but I know that there is a stack of Scrapbooks documenting my junior high self. And yes, there are just as cringe worthy as you imagine. In high school Facebook made it's debut and I was a little more focused on making sure my Facebook albums were up to date than I was about creating scrapbooks. My high school years are documented through boxes of photos and 'stuff', maybe someday I'll feel inspired to put it all into albums but that day is not today (or tomorrow...and probably not anytime soon). In university I didn't take a whole lot of photos. I do have a Smashbook from my fourth year and I've got some traditional photo albums filled with camp photos. Post university life I pretty much stopped taking photos because I didn't feel like I had anything to take photos of, except for camp. Camp is the exception, my camp life/career is fully documented each summer has it's own album and/or box of memorabilia. A year and a half ago I got my DSLR and (re)discovered a love of photography. And now I find myself identifying as one of those people with thousands of photos on their hard drive without a purpose in life other than to pop up when my screen saver comes on.

I know I need to get a handle on the situation before it gets even more out of control but I don't necessarily want to spend hours meticulously cropping/cutting/pasting/embellishing two photos at a time. And so I've decided to hop on the Project Life bandwagon. I've happily waved as the PL Bandwagon passed by the past few years but I never felt like joining. I've even invested in some PL supplies when I've seen them discounted at Michael's. The journalling cards made a great addition to my Smashbooks, I used the bright patterns for card making and they are the perfect size to write a quote on and include in a package. They were also perfect for writing warm fuzzy notes to counsellors this past summer. I guess you can say that I had the Project Life Bandwagon on speed dial but hadn't bothered to call and make a reservation.

Until now. After a lot of in-depth research courtesy of Pinterest I've decided to jump on the Project Life wagon. At first I really liked the idea of following the Project 52 formula, a two page spread every week of the year. Then I did some more reading and realized that's not really what I'm interested in doing at this point. I'm not going to invest in a fancy printer to print my photos at home and I'm not going to order prints every week so the Project 52 formula isn't really going to work. I still want to keep life in chronological order and "document the everyday" but I know that some weeks won't really be all that action packed. So I've decided that my formula will keep Project 52 in mind, but focus more on the month than the week. I'm confident I can commit to printing photos once a month and carving out a Sunday afternoon (or two) to document them in an album. In fact, I prefer to scrapbook in large chunks, I don't think I would enjoy just doing a page at a time. And enjoying what I'm doing is very high on the priority list.

Album//Seasons Core Kit//Kraft Core Kit//Page Protectors

Like all scrapbookers I have a sizeable stash. I wasn't about to purchase a whole lot of new supplies but I did let myself buy a few new things in preparation. First up I wanted a Project Life Album, I ended up with two because they were Buy 1, Get 1 Free. I will use one for 2016 Project Life and the other I will either save for later or I'll use it as a traditional photo album for photos that I don't want to include in the Project Life album. I know it won't go to waste. I used a 50% off coupon to buy a core kit. I decided to invest in the Seasons kit because the cards are made to go through the entire year. There's a few for each holiday and I know that they all coordinate. I know I'll supplement with the cards from other kits I own and make my own cards but I like having a core kit to set the theme. And of course I needed pocket pages so I used another 50% off coupon to buy the variety pack. Which gives me everything I need to dive into Project Life in 2016. I also ended up buying the Kraft Edition Core Kit because I happened to find it at Winners for $20 and I just couldn't pass up that kind of deal. When I got it home and went through the cards I realized it would make a perfect camp album. So we'll see what happens.

I am eagerly awaiting January 1st when I can convert all my enthusiasm into creativity. Until then I'm going to stalk the Project Life blog and admire Kelly Purkey's amazing memory keeping skills. Is anyone else a Project Life convert for 2016 or a long time fan of the memory keeping system?

I was saving this post for later on in December but Becky announced this morning that on Thursday Creative Live will be broadcasting 18 hours worth of Project Life 'how to' for free! I know Thursday is Thanksgiving for those of you in the US but you might want to check it out post turkey dinner and for those of us not in the states know you have your Thursday plans!

**It's worth noting that Becky Higgins has no idea who I am and what my opinions are on her products. I bought all this stuff entirely by choice with my own money. I'm just spreading the love because I believe in documenting life. 

Fall Camp Weekend

Friday afternoon I packed my bags and set off to Girl Guide camp for the weekend. First I stopped to appreciate the hilarious contrast of my camp gear and my Michael Kors purse. I am nothing if not a well rounded individual. 

There was a little hiccup  major problem Friday when we got to camp only to discover that the fly wasn't with our tent. Normally I would never go camping (especially with girls) without checking and double checking all the gear before hand. This weekend though I was just filling in with a group whose leaders couldn't go to camp. Luckily another group had an extra tent and saved us. Shortly after getting our site all set up it started to rain. And then it poured. And then there was some thunder and lightning. It was good times but the tents didn't leak and the girls did awesome. None of them were the least bit bothered by the who ordeal and continued on giggling in their tent, I'm not sure at which age girls realize that tents aren't soundproof but I do know it doesn't happen between the ages of nine and twelve. As a result of this I am now well versed in all the latest teeny bopper news. I also found myself saying, "Girls, please stop doing gymnastics in the tent. You're going to knock it down."

Thankfully the weather cleared and Saturday was a nearly perfect fall day. Sunny, bright and as long as you dressed properly being outdoors was wonderful. This camp was a little bit of learn to camp type camp. The girls learned how to choose gear,  properly pack a backpack, practiced putting up and taking down tents and a bunch of other useful and essential stuff. Added bonus, I picked up a new Ice Breaker game (that's basically equivalent to gold in my life) and not one but two super, duper awesome packing tips. 

I haven't done a whole lot of fall camping but I've determined it might just be my favourite tenting weather. The days are nice enough that you can be outside and sleeping in a tent is perfectly comfortable as long as you dress appropriately and have a sturdy enough sleeping bag. Plus, the scenery is pretty awesome. The leaves were pretty spectacular and the rainbow of dish bags also made me smile on a regular basis. 

Sunday morning we packed up and headed home. I went to J.'s and made myself presentable before we went out to eat. I should note that I showed up at J.'s in my finest camp attire sporting long johns, camp pants, tank top, long sleeved t-shirt, my high school grad hoodie and my bright red rubber boots. Accessorized with my camp toque and hair that hadn't truly been brushed since Friday afternoon. Once I looked more presentable for the world we went and ate. I happily ate a bacon cheeseburger and french fries that had some kind of magic delicious spice on them. And then drank some coffee because it was only 4 o'clock and I was ready for bed. I rallied and kept my eyes open until 9:30 but then I was more than ready to climb into bed.

Today I'm off to vote, pick up a package at the post office, get some groceries, drop off a cheque for Sparks and cross everything off of my to do list! 

Linking up with B Loved Boston

Blogtember 2015: Creative Memory Keeping

Blogtember is asking us to share our creativity. Lately I've been channelling all my creativity into memory keeping. I've been organizing my camp photos from this summer using a hodge lodge of Smash Book-ing, traditional scrapbooking and Project Life journalling. Sharing this creativity is a little challenging since I adhere to pretty strict confidentiality guidelines when it comes to camp. I tried to choose pages that didn't have a whole lot of people photos, but the ones that need I had to use my superb (haha) editing skills to make the faces go away. 

Part of my job involves doing Cabin Inspection each morning at camp. A few mornings each week the cabins do the usual tidying routine (making beds, cleaning bathrooms, sweeping floor) and create a theme. This year the theme for the themes seemed to be 'in space'. It was weird and wonderful so I devoted a page to some of the cabin inspection photos. The pocket on the next page is full of cards and pictures that campers (and counsellors) had drawn and given to me during cabin inspection. 

When I went through my photos I realized I had quite a few photos of campers doing crafts so I put them all together and added a few little drawings that had been given to me. 

These pages are a work in progress and still need journalling added. One page documents a typical break spent at N.'s cottage. A candle lit supper, an evening stroll, (not pictured a Friends episode or three). The next morning breakfast was a priority and then usually a trip to town to window shop and a coffee and donut stop before heading back to the cottage. The next page is photos from the night R. & I picked H. up at the airport and the three of us were reunited for the first time in almost a year!

There are a couple of blue chairs at camp that in past years have always managed to creep their way into photos that would otherwise be great for promotional use. So this summer I made a game out of photographing the blue chairs in all the crazy spots I saw them around camp. Overall I have over 100 photos, these 8 are just some of my favourites. This page needs some more journalling as well.

Everything is still a work in progress. I've blogged about my style of memory keeping more back here.