This is my favourite picture of myself. There's nothing special about the photo itself, but it's all about the moment. I didn't know the photo was being taken until I was tagged in it on Facebook a few days later. In this moment I was standing at the Vespers Spot at the camp I grew up at, something I'm sure I did hundreds, maybe thousands of times over the 10 years I was a camper and volunteer there. What makes this moment important is it was the last time I would ever stand there. Due to a series of unfortunate events that started with the person who formally owned the land camp was on passing away without a will and ended with some relative of his voiding the lease and deciding to sell the land. Yesterday I didn't really talk about specific struggles, but this photo captures what has been one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. I have no idea why God would make/let that chain of events happen, especially to a place where so many campers, counsellors and volunteers found God among the trees and heard Him most clearly standing in the field. But He did. And now what used to be my favourite place on earth, the place where I learned the most about myself and life is in the process of becoming a subdivision.
It's been five years since this all happened and it still hurts. Every time I drive by the sign advertising lots for sale I either tear up or am overcome with anger. For the sake of my sanity I have to believe with all my heart that there is an amazing reason for why this happened, I don't know it yet, and maybe I never will, but there's a reason. We tried to run the camp program by renting another camp for a few weeks each summer but two years ago the committee made the decision to end that as well. And that hurts too. I miss it every single day, and although there I things I love about my new/current camp, it's not the same.
I am thankful that I did get 10 amazing years there. Without camp I have no idea what I'd be doing right now, camp is so much a part of who I am, and that particularly camp will always remain one of the most important foundations of my life.
I'm sorry for your loss. That'a a tough one. It's something that people don't really get- it's not a person, it's not a loss of life- but it's a real, real loss. I grew up going to a lake that I adored, and then my aunt and uncle moved and sold the house. It was never the same. It still hurts to think about that and what a special place it was. But it's definitely good to try to remember the great years you had. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you, I realize that it's "just land" or "just camp" and it wasn't a person or another tragedy but it is certainly a very real loss. I hope you too have many happy memories of your aunt & uncle's house :)
DeleteWow. As someone who worked and volunteered for years at a camp (plus the countless years as a camper), it's heartbreaking that someone can't see how majestic and beautiful the land that God created is, and how it's quickly turned into a profit. I can't imagine my camp being gone forever, and I'm sure I'd share many of these emotions.
ReplyDeleteI think it's something only camp people can understand/imagine. And it certainly isn't something I'd wish for anyone else to experience.
DeleteOh wow I am also sorry to hear about your loss. If I'm being honest, as I read your post I thought, wow, it's a piece of land and now people are moving there and going to be permanent residents for the people around there to pour into and build relationships with in order to share the Good News with them, get over it. And oh so quickly the Lord has reminded me to have compassion and that if that were to happen to the camp I grew up at I would be right where you are emotionally, and that does hurt. So, please forgive me, I am sorry first off for jumping to my "Sunday school answer" even though that is true. But second, wow, I really do feel for you, I can't imagine, but on the same hand, I know you probably already know this from reading a little bit on your blog, but just a word of encouragement God is so good and He works ALL THINGS for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.. He's working! (0: I am praying for you!
ReplyDeleteLove and blessings,
Lacy
Thank you for such a kind and honest comment. It's not so much the loss of the land (although that is a factor) but the idea that somebody consciously made the decision to take land that was being used for a church camp and sell it for huge profit, he was already a very wealthy man and didn't even try to work out an agreement with the camp committee that could have compromised and not lost the camp that was doing so much good. But, like you said God is working! And I know without a doubt I would have devoted my whole life to that camp regardless of how hard it got, but that's not what God wants for me, and He knows how stubborn and determined I am, I needed a firm 'no' and closed door to allow me to move on and follow on the path he has laid for me. Thank you for your prayers :)
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