Brave

Happy New Year Friends! I am can't wait to see what 2014 has in store for me and my blog. 

I'm starting off 2014 with another edition of The Girl Between the Lines link up with Hayley & Lauren. The prompt for this week is the question, "What is one thing you will do differently in 2014? Why do you want to change that one thing?" 

My answer to this question is simple. I want to be brave. 

It sounds simple enough. But even just typing the word brave increases my anxiety. Being brave means taking risks, stepping outside my comfort zone, trying new things, saying yes, not making excuses. Being brave is everything I am not. I like to play safe, I know the boundaries of my comfort zone, I'm happy with routines and sometimes declining a social event because "I have family stuff" really means "I would rather watch DVDs in my sweat pants because I don't really know anyone else who will be there." 

I've been thinking a lot about Texas over the past week and the more I think about it the more I am able to talk myself into the idea of going. And if it the camp in Texas doesn't work out, I'm opening up more and more to taking the plunge and moving somewhere exciting for a few months or a year. And the more I open up to it the more panicked I get, because moving is stressful. And there are so many logistical things to figure out, working visas, making enough money to live in wherever place plus pay student loans and other bills, making new friends, not getting murdered...

In the middle of it all I also remind myself that not so long ago an 18 year old me went off to university hundreds of miles away from home without knowing anybody. And that worked out pretty well. I have no idea why 23 (almost 24) year old me can't seem to make a similar leap of faith. If I did it then I can do it now. 

In the past five years my faith in God has only gotten stronger, I'm certainly more mature than I was at 18, in some ways I'm a lot more comfortable in my own skin, I have a much better understand of what I want in life and yet I'm so scared to make any major changes. Which when I think about it is a waste. I fully admit to being  unhappy with my single-ness. If life was going according to my plan at this point in my life I would either be a newly wed with plans to become a mom very soon or I would at least be in a very serious/committed relationship and making plans to spend the rest of our lives together. That's not where I am though. I'm single. And being single means that right now in this moment, in this big picture my only real responsibility is myself. When I make decisions I don't have to consider how it will affect my husband, I don't have to turn down opportunities because I want my children to go to a certain school or be near their grandparents. I am one. 

So in 2014 I'm going to be brave. I'm going to choose adventure, step outside my comfort zone and use this season of singleness to its fullest potential because someday (hopefully) I'll be a wife and mother with responsibilities that don't allow me to pick up and move to Texas if I so desire. And I'll be happy then, but I also need to be truly happy now. And in order for me to be happy I need to make some changes and all of those changes require me to be brave.