Coffee Chat - Post Camp Edition

For the last four months this has been my view first thing in the morning (and often last thing at night). This summer was challenging. It challenged me to choose priorities, to carve out 'me time', and realize that sometimes I really need to say 'no' to doing more. I wasn't always successful with those things. My days started between 6:30 and 7:00 a.m., those same days ended close to midnight. 

One of the head counsellors summed up this summer best when he proclaimed that the highs were really high and the lows were really low. We had some spectacular moments when campers flourished and left camp with more confidence than when they came. There were also moments involving serious medical crises that made everyone sad, stressed, scared and sometimes angry at the world. 

I was fortunate enough to spend almost two months spending time with H. and R. next summer H. will be in school and only God knows where R. and I will be a year from now. I like to think we took advantage of our time together spending hours exploring the city, an afternoon shopping and another at the beach. Multiple nights sitting around a campfire and even more enjoying some good old fashion Girl Talk. Four years ago when I set out on my new camp adventure I never would have believed that two of the people I met there would become my closest friends. The three of us are different in so many ways that all seem to balance each other out and I love every minute of sharing my life with them. Even if most of the year we share it with a lot of help from iMessage and Skype and a little assistance from Canada Post. 

I don't have any "what comes next" plans and for the first time in my life I don't feel crushing and overwhelming panic/anxiety about that fact. I'm in the process of planning a road trip with J. in November. I'm working on finding a Girl Guide group to lead again and I've also been researching how to get involved in some camps that are closer to home. 

I don't have a mile long list of goals that I need to accomplish over the next few weeks. My priority is to relax, restore and re-energize after the summer. And let's be real, that means I'm going to watch a lot of Friends DVDs, try to sleep in past 7:00 (although so far that hasn't been successful), go to the beach and read a book and get back into a routine.

Eventually I will need to write my end of summer report and check off some things on a grown up for to do list but for the next week all that can wait. And I'm very at peace with the waiting.

The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. - Lamentations 3:25

Linking up with Life of Meg for Mingle Monday.

Elusive Pause

Pinterest

I have always been a supporter of the theory "slow & steady wins the race" and that "good things come to those who wait". Over the years I'v had many friends voice their strong opposing theories; good things come to people who work for them and the quicker the better, all that jazz. On some level I understand…unless you give me the chance to elaborate you may assume I'm someone who sits around all day and just hopes for the best. 

The truth is my "good things come to those who wait" philosophy is more about having faith in God's timing and believing that even when it doesn't seem that way He is in control and He has only my best interests in mind. 

And sometimes He says "no". 

And sometimes you think He is saying "No.", followed by "Absolutely Not.", followed by "seriously, I said no. Stop. Move on." So you take the hint (sort of) and slowly start to move on but the question never really leaves your mind. 

And sure enough, slowly but all at once just when you had stopped asking everyday (and only asked on special occasions) you start to realize what He has really telling you is "Not Right Now.", "Not Yet.", "Now is not the the time." and in that moment you hear "Not quite yet…but someday".

There is no doubt that 'someday' is several calendar years away. 

Things will unfold slowly and steadily. One step at a time.

Be patient, therefore, brothers & sisters, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient about it, until it receives the early and late rains. You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. James 5:7-8 

I fully realize this post is pretty vague and such but for now that's the way it needs to be. The specific details are few and far between and right now they are the tiniest of threads being woven together. It's a beginning though, the strongest ropes start with a single thread. And I am overwhelmed with hope and faith that even if these threads aren't going to produce the final pattern that I'm hoping for whatever the end result is will be nothing short of amazing.

God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we could ever ask for or imagine. - Ephesians 3:20

Inhale, Exhale, Unplug

I'd be lying if I said it was all sunshine & rainbows  snowflakes & tinsel around here lately, the past two weeks seem to have had more than their fair share of bumps. Which is probably why I've spent the last 2 hours alternating between ugly crying and silently sobbing in to the sleeve of my hoodie.

There was more bad news on the job/grant front this week and there's a major storm in the forecast which mean I might not get to go away this weekend. Overall I feel increasingly frustrated with circumstances and I'm not sure what do to next. Of course it doesn't help that because I have no friends within a 500 km radius I spend a lot of time online, a good chuck of said time spent creeping acquaintances and random people I went to high school/university with who have open social media profiles. All this leads to a whole lot of comparison. And I think we can all agree comparison should be considered a dirty word. 

It's hard to be happy and satisfied with my current life phase when I'm constantly being reminded that the girl who spent her high school days high as a kite and skipping class is now married with a baby. Or the guy who lived down the hall from you in res and obnoxiously paraded his weekend hook ups through the halls every weekend has proposed to his girlfriend. And of course that one person who you just don't like because there's just something about them that drives you nuts is now living the dream, working for a production company getting paid to act and write and be creative. Scrolling through the Newsfeeds as you sit at home (home being your parents house) for the 10th Saturday night in a row is not good for the self esteem. 

I am praying with everything I've got that the weather clears up and I can get away this weekend. I need some quality girl time away from it all to just be in the moment with friends and not have to rely on technology for social interaction. Just to breathe deep, not worry about missing texts or messages because everyone I need to be with is in the same room. And then when the weekend is over to take a step back in and be able to focus on the positive and trust that God isn't doing this to torture me, He has a plan. The universe knows what's up, everything will work out exactly the way it's supposed to (and not a moment too soon/late). 

Until then I need to sit in a hot tub with my bestries, drink a lot of wine and rant about how much being a single 20-something with no idea what to do next when nothing seems to work out sucks. 

See you Monday Bloggy Friends. 

Loyalty

I've had a lot on my mind the last few days, but after much thought, careful consideration and prayerful reflection I've reached a decision that I'm comfortable with. And it all comes down to loyalty. You see last week there was a job posting for a year-round, full-time camp director within what I consider to be my "comfort zone" (I'm willing to relocate for a job, but I'm not interested in moving across the country. Sounds great right? The catch is that the position is with a very similar camp...so similar in fact some may consider it competition. 

Based on the job description, what I know about their programs, my experience and a few other facts I knew I had a pretty good shot at getting the job. My director even made a point to make sure I knew about the posting, which I appreciated considering she's spent the last few months working her way through piles of paperwork to create a year round AD job and secure funding. At first it was a no brainer, I couldn't not let this pass me by. Then I started thinking.

About the amazing campers I get to meet and learn from all summer long.

About the life long friendships I've made with other staff members.

About stargazing on August nights and counting shooting stars.

About all of the blood, sweat and tears that I have poured into that place.

And I realized.

This isn't a place I am willing to walk away from

I poured everything I had into my old camp and if God hadn't of firmly closed that door I would have kept going. I've held back on pouring myself in my current camp because I was scared of putting in all that work, only to lose it all. But that's slowly changing, and I didn't realize just how far I'd come until I was faced with the very real option of leaving. And I'm not ready to leave. I haven't accomplished everything I've wanted to accomplish where I am, there's still unfinished projects and maybe even projects I haven't started.

I will continue to be patient while funding is in the approval stages. 

I will be devoted to making things better. 

I will continue to strengthen my bonds with campers and staff.

I will keep volunteering my time, working long hours and trusting this is where I am supposed need to be.

I will pour myself into this place.

Because I've finally figured out exactly what my loyalties are. 

Patience is a Virtue...

I've been thinking a lot about patience and waiting and I came to a realization. When it comes to people I have buckets, dump trucks even, over flowing with patience, but when it comes to having patience to wait for something to happen I have raindrops. 

Via

Working with campers who have special needs I've developed a lot of patience when it comes to teaching a camper a new skill or encouraging independence. Without giving it a second thought I will happily wait for a camper to tie their own shoes and zip up their coat, it might take them 10 minutes when I could have done it in 10 seconds but that's not the point. If a camper wants to do something and is able to do it I am more than willing to support them, and sometimes support just means not rushing them. 

Via

I'm also pretty patient when it comes to waiting for Mr. Right. I fully admit I don't like waiting, but I am firm in my belief that waiting for the right person is worth every second. I would rather wait until I'm 30 for Mr. Right to come along than to settle. I refuse to settle for anything less than what I want. If I want a specific shade of nail polish I don't buy the closest thing to it, I wait until the one I want is back in stock. I'm not going to settle for a guy who is good enough when in a couple more weeks (maybe even years) I can have exactly the one I want. 

\

Via

It seems like every week I type the sentence "I should hear this week about the grant that will make my current seasonal job into a full-time/year-round position." And it still hasn't happened yet. All the paper work has been submitted. The case file has been assigned to a specific person. Ten days allowed for processing have passed. The status of the application has been checked 100 times. But it still has the same "Under Review" status. We've been told it's a good time to apply for this particular grant because they're not that busy, most organizations apply in the spring/summer so there's a better chance of getting approved. But there's still no change. So I'm stuck waiting. Trying to be patient. The longer the wait the harder it is to be patient. Even though the situation is totally out of my hands. 

#onebigtruth Thankful Thursday

Today I'm participating in a really neat link up with some amazing bloggers who are sharing what God has done in their lives. At first I wasn't sure I had anything really worthy of blogging about, so many bloggers have incredible stories of God's faithfulness through infertility, singleness, adoption...and I'm still waiting on things. There are a million little things I am thankful for each done, but compared to others my story seems insignificant. Then I had an 'ah-ah' moment and realized that is my story. I may not have a big story right now, but that doesn't mean I won't. God is always working in my life. His timing is perfect. Some days I get discouraged and think that I need to give up on my dreams and than I'm asking for too much. Then I remember that I'm not. God can do anything, even more than I can dream. It just might take some time. Which means the first thing I'm thankful for today is that nothing is hopeless or impossible with God.

 

                  

 

On a lighter note I am thankful for the cheesecake that is in my fridge. As soon as I finish this post I am going to make myself a cup of tea, light a candle and do some reading while I enjoy every delicious bite.

 

I'm thankful for a stack of books in my to-read pile that I am finally getting around to reading.

 

I'm already thankful for the homemade pizzas I plan on making for supper.

 

I'm thankful for friends who ask "how was your day" instead of "what's up?".

 

I'm thankful for last minute babysitting opportunities, which leads to extra money, which is always nice.

 

I'm thankful for hot cups of coffee on chilly autumn mornings.

 

 

 





Friday Five

 

{one}

I am super excited for this weekend! I'm the one doing the traveling but it is well worth ever second of the drive to spend the weekend with one of my best camp friends!

{two}

The only thing I love more than a good love story is a love story that invovles camp. Which is probably why this story in the NY Times this week made me smile so much. 

 {three}

I seriously love Luke Bryan's new album. I've been cycling through which song is my favourite, currently it's this one.

{four}

Still no word on grant money to make my job full-time...I was really hoping there would be some news by the end of this week but no such luck! I am doing my very best to have patience and trust in God's timing.

{five} 
I've been thinking a lot about this quote recently. I don't necessarily agree with it 100% but it reminds me of someone and there's just something in my head that keeps coming back to it.
 

So Long Sweet Summer

This is how the summer started. A long to-do list written out over coffee & bagels. When it was still cold enough to wear leggings, wool socks and touques as we went about cleaning and organizing the camp. When all we could was speculate about how the next 12 weeks would unfold, how interview personalities would mesh together and attempting to anticipate what problems would arise. 

This is how the summer ended. Piles of (dirty) clothes, miss-matched socks and half empty bottles of sunscreen and big spray. Crumpled pieces of papers with notes full of reminders to "tell counsellors to stop eating cheese from the walk-in" and "pick up construction paper, canoe paddles, ketchup and cinnamon." Lingering goodbye hugs between people who 12 weeks ago would have passed each other in a crowd without a second glance. 

And in between the beginning and the end there were a lot of laughs and a few tears. Because sometimes, when you need to make an emergency trip to town to get a blender (true story) and two counsellors quit in the same week right before a week with 45 campers you just have to laugh. And then cry from stress because while you're laughing another counsellor wanders into the office to let you know a camper is refusing to go to bed or is homesick. Or both, depending on the day. No matter how slowly the day seemed to go by it did end, and there always seemed to be just enough time between camper lights out and counsellor bedtime to stargaze or eat copious amounts of chocolate. Or both, again depending on the day. Outside camp life there were breaks spent getting dressed up to go to Wal-Mart followed by laying in bed for hours catching up on Big Brother. 

I feel so lucky to have experienced this summer. Looking back there were moments that were so intricately perfect. And more than that I'm (98%) at peace with the ending. I've still got some "I wonder if..." and "Maybe if..." thoughts but I'm okay with that. Things will happen as they're meant to happen and I've got a lot of faith they'll happen at the perfect time.