Hymn #674

Last week when I had my interview they told me I would hear from them early in the week about the second round of interviews. Monday and Tuesday have gone by and I haven't heard a word good or bad, so I'm not really sure where that leaves me. I do know that I've had "In The Bulb There Is A Flower" stuck in my head since Monday evening when it started snowing. All day yesterday and so far today the familiar lyrics have been on repeat:

In the bulb there is a flower,

In the seed, an apple tree,

In cocoons a hidden promise:

Butterflies will soon be free!

In the cold and snow of winter,

There's a spring that waits to be,

Unrevealed until it's season,

Something God alone can see. 

Maybe it's because it's a catchy song. Maybe it's because the song is a lullaby of sorts, I don't remember ever learning it but it was a staple of camp Christian Education time and vespers services. The lyrics were written in magic marker on chart paper above the piano in our main building complete with little doodles of tulips and apple trees. Whatever the reason it's a comforting song to be playing on repeat when I'm in the middle of season with more questions than answers. Just wandering around the proverbial forest setting off down different paths only to discover they're all dead ends. 

And as much as I appreciate a good adventure and generally enjoy the scenic route I'm kind of over it. I don't want to "savour my season" or "embrace the unknown" or "enjoy the journey" because those things are all fine for a while but regardless of how much fun you're having on vacation you always want to get back to your own bed eventually. 

While everyone is busy admiring the twinkle lights, eagerly awaiting watching their littles opening presents on Christmas morning and starting to set goals for 2017 I'm refreshing my e-mail every hour (that may sound a lot but it's an improvement over every 15 minutes) and wondering if somewhere along the line I took the wrong exit and am doomed to wander around the wrong forest forever. 

My goal, wish, objective, intent...purpose in life is to have a permanent, full time camp job. Anything past that is a bonus. 

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Back on the Bright Side

If you happened to stop by on Friday it will come as no surprise that last week was not great. Big thumbs down to last week. The good news is that it's a new week and this week I'm back on the bright side. 

I had forgot that weeks ago I agreed to help chaperone a sleepover for a group of Rangers (the oldest group of Girl Guides). Help chaperone is probably a bit of a stretch, more along the lines of hang out with a group of incredibly awesome young ladies. Since I didn't have to be at the sleepover until 6:00 I spent my Saturday tidying up my make shift craft room and then I spent some time watching The Pioneer Woman and eating chicken wings in my most unflattering of $10 Wal-Mart jogging pants. It was lovely. 

The sleepover started with pizza and then we headed to do an Escape Room. If you're not familiar with the concept, the easiest way to explain is a giant, physical puzzle. Our group of six entered a room and had an hour to solve two questions related to the mystery we had been given at the beginning. There were about a dozen locked drawers, boxes and closets within the room and by solving clues found around the room you were able to figure out the combinations to the locks, which would reveal another clue or lead to more locks. It was so much fun! They seem to be gaining in popularity so if there's not one near by you now there probably will be soon.

We ended the night the way all good sleepovers should end, huddled under blankets in a dimly lit living room discussing insider info about various Guiding events and general life. Sunday morning we woke up and ate pancakes before going our separate ways. I stopped in to pick up a few groceries on my way home and then got to work on my to do list, but not before eating samosas for lunch which I've been craving for the past two weeks. 

I unpacked, put on a load of laundry, showered and had every intention of continuing the string of productivity. Instead I took a nap. It was lovely and I didn't feel even a little bit guilty! When I woke up I set to work making Sunday supper - roasted asparagus, roasted potatoes and cajun seasoned chicken breast. And cooked enough chicken to have for work lunches all week, which is always a win. I did a bit of Project Life-ing before watching Big Brother and crawling into bed by 10:30. 

So I'm going into this week feeling overall better about life. It's amazing what a weekend of tasty food, good company and exciting adventures can do for a person's mood. I've two and a half weeks left of my office job contract and then I'm off to visit H. for a few days before switching into camp mode for the summer. So here's hoping I can stay planted on the bright side! 

Linking up here & here. 

Where I Am

How did you picture this stage of your life when you were younger? How is it the same/different?

When I was was in elementary school...I was determined to grow up and become a famous author. I spent every spare moment I had writing words on paper. Laura Ingalls Wilder & Lucy Maude Montgomery where my favourite people and I wanted to be just like them. I wanted to get married and have babies but most of all I wanted to be a published author.

When I was in jr.high...I still wanted to be a writer, but I also realized that probably wasn't the best way to make a living. So I thought I'd be a Social Worker who wrote books as a hobby. I still wanted to get married and have a big family but I didn't worry about it too much because I figured it was one of those things that would just happen.

When I was in high school...I still considered Social Work. But I knew camp was my real passion so I decided to study recreation in university. I assumed that I would meet somebody in university, fall in love, get married, have babies and do the SAHM thing for a few years and then focus on my career.

When I was in university...I knew I wanted to be a camp director. I thought I'd find a position where I worked in youth ministry from September-May be a camp director from May-August and in between get my camp fix through retreats and other youth activities. And of course I wanted to settle down, be in a committed relationship and have my first baby by the time I was 25.

Elementary School me probably wouldn't believe that it's been years since I finished writing a story.
Jr. High me would be appalled I'm not married yet.
High School me would be a little more understanding but still be disappointed I'm as single as they come.
University me would be pretty darn relived to know that a year and a half after I finished I would be about to start a full time job as Assistant Camp Director. She would be totally discouraged to find out Mr.Right still eludes me, but if she stopped and thought about it for a few minutes she'd accept that it's better to be alone than to settle for Mr. Good Enough.

Linking up with Hayley & Lauren .

24 Candles, 24 Wishes

Pinterest

When R. turned 24 last month H. & I set off to the grocery store to get candles for her cake we made our purchase and reported back to her that "she was a whole box of candles old!". I'd be lying if I said I was thrilled about turning 24. Yes, I'm thankful for another day/year but that doesn't mean I'm excited about it. I'll compare it to being thankful that there are dirty dishes to wash because it means you have food and have eaten, it doesn't necessarily mean you're over the moon excited about washing that pile of dishes.

I'm going to go ahead and declare that with 24 candles on the cake means I get 24 wishes. I grew up with the saying "if you tell someone your wish, it won't come true", so I suppose that by sharing this list with blogland it guarantees none of these wishes will be granted, but I'm going to do it anyway. So without further ado I present my 24 wishes on my 24 birthday.

1. Grant approval.
2. Unlimited supply of gummy bears.
3. A lovely, committed boyfriend who likes camp and is ok with watching Disney movies.
4. Vanilla Coke to return to Canada.
5. A nice stack of cold hard cash.
6. Red Hunter rainboots.
7. A Beauty & The Beast library.
8. Someone to follow me around with a guitar and sing about my daily activities. 
9. Random choreographed dance numbers in my life on a weekly basis.
10. My Pinterest closet to magically appear in my actual closet.
11. Wake up and be 10 lbs lighter.
12. A farm.
13. The Pioneer Woman to live next door.
14. Perfect vision. Goodbye glasses & contacts! 
15. Ellen DeGeneres to arrive on my doorstep and visit.
16. A Complete Disney DVD collection.
17. A channel that airs only my favourite shows.
18. Luke Bryan.
19. A private concert by the Goo Goo Dolls.
20. A fully stocked craft room.
21. A bouquet of fresh flowers.
22. Someone to pay me to browse Pinterest for at least 3 hours a day.
23. Macbook Pro.
24. World Peace.

What would you use your wishes on? 

Inhale, Exhale, Unplug

I'd be lying if I said it was all sunshine & rainbows  snowflakes & tinsel around here lately, the past two weeks seem to have had more than their fair share of bumps. Which is probably why I've spent the last 2 hours alternating between ugly crying and silently sobbing in to the sleeve of my hoodie.

There was more bad news on the job/grant front this week and there's a major storm in the forecast which mean I might not get to go away this weekend. Overall I feel increasingly frustrated with circumstances and I'm not sure what do to next. Of course it doesn't help that because I have no friends within a 500 km radius I spend a lot of time online, a good chuck of said time spent creeping acquaintances and random people I went to high school/university with who have open social media profiles. All this leads to a whole lot of comparison. And I think we can all agree comparison should be considered a dirty word. 

It's hard to be happy and satisfied with my current life phase when I'm constantly being reminded that the girl who spent her high school days high as a kite and skipping class is now married with a baby. Or the guy who lived down the hall from you in res and obnoxiously paraded his weekend hook ups through the halls every weekend has proposed to his girlfriend. And of course that one person who you just don't like because there's just something about them that drives you nuts is now living the dream, working for a production company getting paid to act and write and be creative. Scrolling through the Newsfeeds as you sit at home (home being your parents house) for the 10th Saturday night in a row is not good for the self esteem. 

I am praying with everything I've got that the weather clears up and I can get away this weekend. I need some quality girl time away from it all to just be in the moment with friends and not have to rely on technology for social interaction. Just to breathe deep, not worry about missing texts or messages because everyone I need to be with is in the same room. And then when the weekend is over to take a step back in and be able to focus on the positive and trust that God isn't doing this to torture me, He has a plan. The universe knows what's up, everything will work out exactly the way it's supposed to (and not a moment too soon/late). 

Until then I need to sit in a hot tub with my bestries, drink a lot of wine and rant about how much being a single 20-something with no idea what to do next when nothing seems to work out sucks. 

See you Monday Bloggy Friends. 

Loyalty

I've had a lot on my mind the last few days, but after much thought, careful consideration and prayerful reflection I've reached a decision that I'm comfortable with. And it all comes down to loyalty. You see last week there was a job posting for a year-round, full-time camp director within what I consider to be my "comfort zone" (I'm willing to relocate for a job, but I'm not interested in moving across the country. Sounds great right? The catch is that the position is with a very similar camp...so similar in fact some may consider it competition. 

Based on the job description, what I know about their programs, my experience and a few other facts I knew I had a pretty good shot at getting the job. My director even made a point to make sure I knew about the posting, which I appreciated considering she's spent the last few months working her way through piles of paperwork to create a year round AD job and secure funding. At first it was a no brainer, I couldn't not let this pass me by. Then I started thinking.

About the amazing campers I get to meet and learn from all summer long.

About the life long friendships I've made with other staff members.

About stargazing on August nights and counting shooting stars.

About all of the blood, sweat and tears that I have poured into that place.

And I realized.

This isn't a place I am willing to walk away from

I poured everything I had into my old camp and if God hadn't of firmly closed that door I would have kept going. I've held back on pouring myself in my current camp because I was scared of putting in all that work, only to lose it all. But that's slowly changing, and I didn't realize just how far I'd come until I was faced with the very real option of leaving. And I'm not ready to leave. I haven't accomplished everything I've wanted to accomplish where I am, there's still unfinished projects and maybe even projects I haven't started.

I will continue to be patient while funding is in the approval stages. 

I will be devoted to making things better. 

I will continue to strengthen my bonds with campers and staff.

I will keep volunteering my time, working long hours and trusting this is where I am supposed need to be.

I will pour myself into this place.

Because I've finally figured out exactly what my loyalties are. 

Internet Happiness

Last weekend H. & R. were together in the city and they spent some of their time together hanging out in H.'s hot tub and drinking wine. Earlier in the day I was Skyping with them and of course we started talking about camp and next summer, which lead to H. & R. making all sorts of ridiculous demands (they're both head counsellors). I (jokingly) told them that in order to consider their requests a formal presentation must be made, the topic changed and I assumed they had forgotten. Not so, post wine & hot tub they got to work and the director & I found this in our e-mails Monday evening. A full length 20+ slide PowerPoint presentation. I honestly laughed until I was near tears as I read through their "wish list", which was followed by the "10 Reasons H. & R. Should Be Hired Back In Spite of This Presentation". I can't decide if my favourite item on their wish list is a hot tub or that they want to hire the Hemsworth brothers as male counsellors. Both have about the same likelihood of happening. 

By far the best thing to show up in my inbox! (Except for all your lovely comments of course!)


There were a lot of great things on the internet this week, at various points over the past few days I've checked my phone to find these links sent to me from friends.

These 12 Life Lessons Learned From Your Cat is spot on. Cats truly are wonderful creatures.

A friend also sent me an article on "Seasonal Romance"  that definitely hit close to home. The only difference is I'm not quite ready to stuff all those memories in a folder and move on quite yet. The time might come when that has to happen but for now I'm in a good place with my "seasonal romance".

And BuzzFeed is always a reliable source for some internet happiness. Facts to Get Through the Week and some perspective that you might be having a bad day but at least You're Not These People.

What happy things did you find on the internet this week?

Patience is a Virtue...

I've been thinking a lot about patience and waiting and I came to a realization. When it comes to people I have buckets, dump trucks even, over flowing with patience, but when it comes to having patience to wait for something to happen I have raindrops. 

Via

Working with campers who have special needs I've developed a lot of patience when it comes to teaching a camper a new skill or encouraging independence. Without giving it a second thought I will happily wait for a camper to tie their own shoes and zip up their coat, it might take them 10 minutes when I could have done it in 10 seconds but that's not the point. If a camper wants to do something and is able to do it I am more than willing to support them, and sometimes support just means not rushing them. 

Via

I'm also pretty patient when it comes to waiting for Mr. Right. I fully admit I don't like waiting, but I am firm in my belief that waiting for the right person is worth every second. I would rather wait until I'm 30 for Mr. Right to come along than to settle. I refuse to settle for anything less than what I want. If I want a specific shade of nail polish I don't buy the closest thing to it, I wait until the one I want is back in stock. I'm not going to settle for a guy who is good enough when in a couple more weeks (maybe even years) I can have exactly the one I want. 

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Via

It seems like every week I type the sentence "I should hear this week about the grant that will make my current seasonal job into a full-time/year-round position." And it still hasn't happened yet. All the paper work has been submitted. The case file has been assigned to a specific person. Ten days allowed for processing have passed. The status of the application has been checked 100 times. But it still has the same "Under Review" status. We've been told it's a good time to apply for this particular grant because they're not that busy, most organizations apply in the spring/summer so there's a better chance of getting approved. But there's still no change. So I'm stuck waiting. Trying to be patient. The longer the wait the harder it is to be patient. Even though the situation is totally out of my hands. 

The sun keeps settin', the days go fast

This past week was our kids session at camp, campers 6-13 with disabilities ranging from mild Autism to the rarest of progressive neurological disorders. It was so full of highs and lows that I'm not even sure how to process the week in general. 

It's that time of the summer when things are starting to wind down, even if there is still a full month left of camp when you factor in breaks there are only two full sessions. September seems a lot closer than it did in May. I'm still figuring out what my post-camp plans are right now there are a few options, but I have mixed feelings about all of them. 

I originally had a lot of stuff I wanted to write about in an attempt to process it all but right now the more appealing option is to climb into bed, get a good nights sleep and go from there.