Tuesday 7 May 2013

Being Single

I'll be the first one to tell you that I'm a big ol' scaredy cat. Haunted Corn Maze? No thanks. Walking across the field alone in the dark? Not happening. Roller Coasters? Not a chance. I fast forward through the "scary" scenes in Disney movies...let that one sink in for a second. 

As much as I hate all those things I would gladly suck it up and sit in the very middle of the dark field, watching the scene with the wolves from Beauty & The Beast and get on a roller coaster through a haunted corn maze if it meant I could get rid of my ultimate fear. Being Alone.

I joke about being born in the wrong era because as much as I love camp, all I really want to be when I grow up is a 50's housewife. I just want to get married, have babies, dress up in cute dresses and wear pearls and have supper on the table when husband comes home at 5:00. Although I also really want to marry a farmer in which case I want to grow up to be Ree Drummond. Anyway...the point of that is I'm nowhere's close to accomplishing either of those scenarios. So I'm forced to confront my fear everyday. And it's HARD.

My parents have been together since they were in high school and I always assumed that would happen for me too, but it didn't. Then I assumed I would meet someone in university and we'd spend our 20s falling in love and having adventures. That didn't happen either. So I'm constantly being forced to adjust my expectations. I know I don't "need" a husband. But I want one. I know that I am perfectly capable of fostering/adopting children on my own, but again, that's not what I want. 

I'm such a huge believer that everything happens for a reason so I am constantly reminding myself that everything will work out the way it's supposed to work out, even if it's not the way I planned. I pray a lot for patience and also that if I'm meant to meet "the one" and get married that I will be okay with that, because right now I'm not. The thought of going through life single terrifies me, I tell people that my biggest fear is being alone, but I rarely go into details, because just thinking about it makes me cry. 

Within the past six months people I went to high school and university with have really started settling down every holiday brings a new engagement announcement. (Seriously, no holiday is safe. One girl found her engagement ring hidden in a pancake on Shrove Tuesday.) And I want to be happy for them and I am happy, but at the bottom of my happiness is a voice that just keeps asking "Why not me?" it's hard to stay positive and hopeful and faithful that that things are happening (and not happening) exactly the way they are supposed to happen (and not happen). But I am getting better at it and trying to focus on other things and hoping with all my heart that Future Husband is out there somewhere and he is just as excited to meet me as I am to meet him.




9 comments:

  1. Great post, as you know I can relate to this. I'm looking forward to reading your posts through the rest of the challenge.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Now I am creeping on your blog, sorry, but I also not only love this post but relate to it! What is up with all these weddings!?! I have days when I think the same things, when is it going to happen for me!? Then I remind myself of two important things: 1) Imagine how awesome it is going to be when it finally happens 2) Gods love is better than anything else and although it isn't physical I can promise no one will love you more :) Love your blog :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't mind "creeping" at all :)

      You are so right that God's love is bigger than anything I can even imagine and that when I do meet the one I will be ready and it will be worth every second I've waited.

      Delete
  3. I went through the 'why not me' stage for awhile. Then I even met someone but knew he wasn't right for me. I felt like no one was ever going to be right for me. Doomed to be alone. I met my boyfriend a few months after my 24th birthday (less than 1.5 years ago) and I do believe he's the one I'm going to marry. Sometimes it just kind of happens out of no where.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everyone always says that it happens when you least expect it! It sure doesn't happen when you are expecting it so I'm really working on focusing on other things, it's just hard when it seems to be happening for everyone else around me.

      Delete
  4. My boyfriend is my first boyfriend. I spent most of my life single, and I sometimes had those doubts too. But I took advantage of being single and did all the cool things that I can't do now that I have a boyfriend, like move around a lot and live in other countries. Enjoy this period in your life. When the time is right, love will happen!

    (And I HATE this advice, because it was SO annoying when I felt really sad & single instead of happy & single, but I honestly met Beau when I stopped looking for a boyfriend).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've been working on finding a balance between really not looking for a boyfriend but still being opened to meeting somebody. And I really do like the idea of only having one real boyfriend, I would rather wait for 'the one' than date a bunch of dumb guys just for the sake of dating!

      Delete
  5. Love this!!!!!I have began to read through your posts as well, I am excited to follow! wow you are right, we do seem to be going through very similar stages of life. How awesome! I am thankful God has blessed me with coming across each others blog! I am looking forward to getting to know you. I know what you mean about being single, it can be scary, but I think I am finally to that point of just accepting that it is in Gods will and His timing. I pray about it A LOT, and I hope I meet him before I'm 30...hopefullly..hahaha..anyways! chat soon girl! xo! ps- you should add the "follower" gadget to your page so I can follow your blog :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I have close friend who reminds me all the time that we she was 23-25 she was so unhappy about where she was in life but then everything changed and just like that she was 29 and incredibly happy and exactly where she wanted to be in life. I do a lot of praying for patience and peace with the whole waiting process!


      And extra thank you for pointing out the 'follower' gadget wasn't installed, I thought it was but I must have forgotten to save changes before I x'd out of it! It should be fixed now.

      Delete