The First 100 Days

The week leading up to camp has always been full of little rituals and traditions. Things that made me feel prepared to start the summer. I would spend an evening assembling welcome bags for all the staff, an afternoon making warm fuzzy envelopes and many hours trying not to overpack but also not run out of clean clothes before the next laundry day rolled around. I would make sure to include a meal of three cheese pizza pops & pepsi into my camp prep, taking time to reflect on the beginnings of my camp love. And on the night before I would often craft the perfect pre-camp playlist to listen to during the drive. Instead of doing all those things I found myself navigating the complexities of palliative care. 

I always had a mini-celebration when I hit the "100 Days Until Camp" day and so I had decided that I would celebrate "100 Days" of this new life, which happened to fall on May 11. I had originally planned to celebrate by drinking my very last can of Vanilla Coke (that I had been saving for when I got a year round camp job), eating chips & dip and maybe watching The Parent Trap. I ended up spending the day in one of our organization's homes, which seemed like a much more fitting celebration. Even if it didn't involve any Vanilla Coke. 

On Friday morning after a full week of waiting for the inevitable, our community member passed away. Today there will be a wake and tomorrow a funeral. And amid all of those emotions I'm also trying to figure out how to navigate summer life without camp. The combination of all of that has made me a bit of a hot mess these past few days. Saturday I did three loads of laundry and debated asking the neighbours if they had any to do. Yesterday I got groceries and tidied by apartment and watched too many episodes of Grey's Anatomy. This morning I am going to help set up for the wake and then likely spend some time at the office. Even though it's a long weekend I need to be busy and productive because otherwise I'm sure I'll find myself pacing the living room. 

And maybe what I really need is to stop trying to keep myself busy and just let things settle. To give myself permission to be sort of sad but also excited about the possibilities of a summer without camp. 

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May Life 2017

Another month of radio silence around here...

Personal Life// The clique-ness is really hard. It's such a unique blend of work/personal that it's unlike anything I've ever experienced so navigating it feels impossible. I've been included in a few things but nothing fulfilling. I try to Skype with H. and/or R. every week or every second week and I've been going home one weekend a month and it's worked out that I've also made mini-weekend trips at least one other weekend. Things aren't terrible but I do feel rather lonely. 

Hobbies// This improved by leaps & bounds. I am caught up with Project Life as far as printing photos goes and I have everything slotted into pockets, it's now just a matter of adding journalling and embellishments. I didn't take a whole lot of photos this month, but I did have my camera out a few times so it's an improvement. Blogging clearly hasn't made a come back but I'm still working on how to factor that into my day on a more regular basis. 

Career// I knew being in the office full time would be huge but even I underestimated how what a difference it would make. I feel like now I can at least focus my attention in one place and that's helpful when it comes to feeling less stress. Again, I'm hesitant to make any sweeping statements at the three month mark but I will say it's not love. It is a stepping stone though and I recognize that there's lots to learn over the next couple of years that will be transferable. I spent some time doing camp related things this past weekend and it really confirmed that my long term goal is to get back to camp. I have no idea what that will look like but knowing what needs to get done is the first step in getting it done. 

Spirituality// Eh, could be better. I got back into the habit of choosing a word of the week and still haven't really missed a day writing in my journal so those are good things. I was tempted to order a Bible journalling starter kit but finding something that is reasonably priced/can be shipped to Canada has proved to be a challenge. 

Health// I've been going on lots of evening walks, which is great. Eating has been semi-challenging because I'm not entirely in control of my own menu and that's annoying & frustrating for me. Realistically this probably won't change much until the fall so until then I will just make the best of things. 

Goals// My goals for April were to manage my stress better and make time for hobbies. I definitely achieved making time for hobbies and I think in general my stress levels improved. I also made a big extra payment on my student loan which was sort of a goal but not one I had specifically verbalized. For May I'd like to write some blog posts, make plans for a fun summer vacation and convince myself to splurge on an Erin Condren Hourly Planner. 

Linking up with Gretch & Kristen!

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